Regrets
by sherlockfangirl135
Summary: Lawlight angst. L/Ryuzaki/Lawliet and Light in their fatal last moments, their regrets about the other, and the underlying love for each other, even after all that had happened. MAJOUR SPOILERS! Rated T for safety.
1. Lawliet's death

**Evening everyone. I don't really know if the Deathnote fandom is still alive- and if it is, in a sane state, not that we ever were- but I had this in my head and had to write it. So here it is. Lawlight angst for everyone to enjoy. Have fun reading and please review!**

I was right. Even now, on my very deathbed which is Light Yagami's lap and arms, I take pride in knowing that the mass murderer known as Kira, is in fact Light. I look up into his amber- red almost eyes, and I can tell he knows that I know, his body praticially radiates the words- 'you loose.'

I do not however want to be right. Even now. I look at his face for any sign of friendship or love- anything but find none. I shouldn't be surprised- I guess deep down I did know it was all an act. An act I was an all to willing to participate in and play along. I was desperate for a friend- and suddenly Light came along- who was just as educationally gifted, friendly, and accepting of who I was. I took his bait eagerly. All the smiles, the midnight cake feasts, and, (though it was an unspoken rule that we never talked about it), the times we would comfort each other after nightmares when we were still chained. I remember him crying into my shoulder and me stroking his auburn hair until he slept gain. I wish it had not been a preference, and that I could die now knowing at least one person had cared about me- been my friend.

I hear Matsuda San yell the label that I gave the others and told them it was my name and I weep internally that it I could not hear my real name in my last moments. My eyes, done for searching for something they can't nor shan't find in my killers eyes, and flicker shut. I wonder briefly if there is a Heaven or Hell, but dismiss the idea quickly. Besides, if. I did go to either of those places, it would mean I could still feel. And, I deacide, I never want to make the mistake of feeling again.

Despite this thought though, I still can not bring myself to stop caring for Light. Still, as he himself kills me, my last thoughts before oblivion are of how after all this, this sick game we have been playing with each other, I would still give my life so he could live.


	2. Lights Death

"D-damn it.." I breath. Already I know that these worlds will be my last, and I am glad. I do not want to be remembered as a hero, who apologised for what he did. I am not sorry for killing all those thousands of people, and I am not sorry for the events of today. Finding the Deathnote was the best thing that could have ever had happened to me, without it my life would have been boring and dull. I was already depressed in my final years at senior school, with not enough to stimulate me. Admittedly, I would have had a longer life had I not become Kira, but I know I have lived life to its fullest.

I am sorry though, for killing Ryuzaki. Even now he still haunts me, a memory that, like a paracite, clings to my mind. He taunts me now, for this time he truly has won. Not by the fact I am milliseconds away from death, but by the facts my last living thaughts are of him. I mourn the nights when we were still chained together- that was such a long time ago now, nearly 4 years ago, I would wake screaming from mid destroying dreams and he would comfort me. I miss the way he would brush the hair from my eyes and silently close his legs and arms around me like a protective cocoon, before rocking me gently back to sleep. I miss his smiles, his horrific eating habits, his love for rain, his determination and his friendship.

I regret luring him over with fake promises of friendship, the only thing he had never had. I hate myself for watching him fall for it, him believing I cared while I plotted various ways to kill him. And really, I think I knew then too, deep down, I did care. I cared and loved about L Lawliet more than I was willing to believe. I still do. Doesn't stop him being dead though. And, my last living thaughts before oblivion, are, after all this, I would still take my life so he could live again.


End file.
